Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
