I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
