I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I deserve this hangover.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
