please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
