when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
