we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
