I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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