hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
