Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
