So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
