That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
