Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
