just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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