mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sober January is a disaster.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
