Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
