She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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