All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
