Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
