Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
