I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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