I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
