He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
