mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
