Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
