Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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