david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
