I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
