If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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