you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
