I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
