I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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