Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
