Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
