I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
