besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wear drunk well.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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