then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
