Banned from zoo.
Again?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
