I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
