I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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