I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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