I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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