I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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