she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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