the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
