Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
