What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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