Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
