girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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