My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
