so explain again why im purple
no
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
