my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
