Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need moral support for this bender
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
