i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
