the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
