tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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