Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
