your thong is hanging out like whoa
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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