No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
