Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
