im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
