"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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