Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
