The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
