Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
