Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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