I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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