I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
