every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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