i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish you could order shots online.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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