I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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