My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
