You're so nebulous sometimes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
