How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
