time to smoke my breakfast
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
