mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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