i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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