What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
