Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
