I skipped work to stalk him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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