ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Someone shattered a urinal.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
